I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
