it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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