Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize