I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
