Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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