thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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