I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
