At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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