i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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