Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
