You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
