Having a random hookup so left but love u
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
