3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
