Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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