I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
