so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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