So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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