Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
