I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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