your room smells of hookers.
And success
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
