So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
please come you make the beer taste better
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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