theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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