shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
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Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
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I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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