You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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