My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
