did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
