I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
