we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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