i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
