he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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