i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
