Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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