Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
