There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
