Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
