You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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