She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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