I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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