Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
