just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
