Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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