so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
