I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
