you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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