i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
