she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
