Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Come on in and take your pants off
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