Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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