my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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