He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
