i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
