Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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