So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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