and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
