I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Still dying that you shit outside
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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