i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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