the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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