come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
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I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sorry about my life...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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